Fifth Week of October

The second letter from the jungles of Peru


It’s beautiful to know from where it all comes from. All those illnesses, complications, unfulfilled dreams. It’s quite hard to explain this understanding because it comes in one moment, in one moment, when you have been with yourself alone and deeply, for long enough. It can sound esoteric or schizophrenic, whatever you like, but that is my experience, it is the great revelation of my life. One click that has changed my entire world view.

Observe your shoulders, your heart. What happens to you when you hear an evil word, it’s somehow not right, not how it’s supposed to be. What happens when you experience beauty, love, joy, pleasure? Do you let is all flow smoothly, like a never-ending living river, enjoying it? Yes, allowing the evil and pain to hurt you. Yes, allowing the joy to be here, deeply, and then pass too.

Or, do you defend yourself and fight against pain, and your bad thoughts, stand vigilant and prohibit them from being inside you? Do you punish yourself, not allowing energy, even if it’s not completely white; simply flow through you, thereby, in fact, making everything deeper, heavier, as this energy will find a way of hurting you anyway?

And joy and happiness, do you try to hold onto their tails, not allowing them to simply flow and be? Do you feel bad about feeling bad? It doesn’t take a lot, just tension in the shoulders and the chest and fear of living, the fear of letting both the beautiful and the ugly flow through you. And so the entanglement, the tension is created.

It’s precisely in these tension points of yours where your ego doesn’t allow the Universe to flow – whatever it may be today, good, fabulous, silly, overwhelming, it’s in these points that tanglements appear, dark patches, energy vacuums, that later become home to illness, blocks, pain, that don’t allow any other part of you to flower and grow either.  That’s where we stop simply being and enjoying, stopping the flow of orgasms towards us, not knowing how to say goodbye to the stuff we don’t need. Right here, where we don’t accept our dark side nor release the light side!

Give in, give in, to everything and understand that it’s not about losing yourself, but remaining and becoming more magnificent, fragrant and hardy.

Feel your emotions in a nuanced way, live life by allowing it to flow because you are a channel through which something much larger flows.

I had forgotten this, and it was revealed to me once more.

And can you guess who it was? Who was my teacher?

An unbelievably strong tree, one that always grows by the side of a fast flowing river or water, that bends over, gracefully bends over. It has beautiful pink flowers, their petals fall into the river and are carried far, far away. Like a mandala that is carefully constructed but then destroyed with no qualms, released to the Universe. My tree is the bobinsana, and I drank the bark, sap, and leaves for a full ten days, together with grasshoppers, ants, mosquitoes, huge velvet butterflies, living in a small hut in the middle of the Peruvian jungle. I ate only rice with a little bit of potatoes and carrots drinking only water and being alone, as alone as possible. Experiencing also the ceremonies – during the days and nights, nights and days.

Getting to know plants through deep transformative diets that are full of emotion, pain, fear, revelation, and enlightenment is an ancient method of traditional healing in South America, called curanderismo.  Each plant has its own message, its own task that it reveals to humans. One helps you overcome fear, another helps you to find your roots and yet another to find your nucleus and the infinite, infinite number of variations. Shamans and healers are simply go-betweens between the patient and the plant, like translators or guides. All the big things are done by nature, nature within you.

Now the plant is within me, now the teacher is inside my heart and that is why I can talk with conviction about tension and freedom. About fear and freedom.

I didn’t talk; I allowed the jungle to talk to me. I allowed the Universe to whisper instead of my ego.


Buenos Dias, world.